Moments Made Better by M&Ms

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Marine Studies

I got this as an e-mail from a friend and thought i would share the laugh with everyone.

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his Chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me."

Thursday, February 08, 2007

The crib is gone!

This was a sad day for me however Kalaia was so happy to have her own big girl bed. The crib is still set up in her room just in case this didn't work. I am not sure if it was for me or for her that it is still set up. She has not even given it a second glance. It was a spur of the moment thing that I was not prepared for. Nevertheless, she is elated.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Night Out!!!!!!

On Sunday it was my birthday and i got a night out. My sister, Sarah came over and watched the kids. Leroy and I got to go out. I do not even remember the last time we got to do that. we went to see a movie and even got some dinner. There was no telling someone to stop it or settle down, don't do that, or sit still. It was nice to be able to enjoy my food. Though i really missed my baby. if you do not have children then you won't understand the wishy-washiness of a mothers emotions. LOL! Anyway i had a wonderful time. Thanks Sarah! :)

Monday, January 22, 2007

This is the extent of our winter season so far.
Funny, huh?

Saturday, January 20, 2007

BRYCE'S 13TH BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!

The 'L I T T L E' Things .

As you might know, the head of a company survived 9/11 because
His son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.

One of them
Missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.

One's
Car wouldn't start.

One went back to
Answer the telephone.

One had a child that dawdled
And didn't get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn't
Get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work
But before he got there, he developed
a blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am
Stuck in traffic,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone...
All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
This is exactly where
God wants me to be at this very moment...

Next time your morning seems to be
Going wrong,

The children are slow getting dressed,
You can't seem to find the car keys,
You hit every traffic light,
Don't get mad or frustrated;
God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you
With all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose.

AMEN

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Anger management

Not that i think this is the correct way to handle any kind of situation, however i did find it very amusing. Actully i got a good laugh over it.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't
take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy
answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with
the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always
cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the
phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd
been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back
window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I
thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW
for sale?" He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I
live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in
in front." I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a
good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five." I said, "Listen,
Don, can I tell you something?" He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when had a problem, I had
two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an
asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed,
"Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don
Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over
right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really
scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He yelled, "If I ever find out
who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well,
asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called
the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over
there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in
Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two
assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better...Anger management really does work.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

This was our Christmas weekend!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Christmas Parades- Groton & Niantic

Putting up the tree!!!!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Christmas pictures 2006

Thursday, November 30, 2006

"Is my time up?"

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up"? God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by an ambulance and killed.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?" God replied, "Girl, I didn't even recognize you!"

Sunday, November 26, 2006

AL PACA

Today we went to see these lama looking things, called al paca. Kalaia and Hannah loved it. They had the best time. They were chasing the al paca all over the field. It was funny.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Why God Created Children and in the Process Grandchildren

To those of us who have children in our livesWhether they are our own grandchildren, nieces,nephews or students, here is something to make you chuckle.Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth God created Adam and Eve,and the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit?We have forbidden fruit?Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! Said God.
"Why?""Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped Creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you? "asked the Father.
"I don't know." replied Eve.
"She started it! "Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve Should have children of their own.Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.If God had trouble raising children, What makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life Teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend The next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward For not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why Some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, They usually repeat word for word What you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties Is to remind yourself that there are children More awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, But they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:Be nice to your kids. They will choose your Nursing home one day.AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"

Kalaia's new favorite hobby

My mom came over early for Sarah's birthday(today, nov.20th; b-day on the 21st) and she made the cake here. Kalaia can not wait to help with anything these days. She loves to cook.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

"You will simply call her, "Mom."

Lift a mother's spirit, send this to every mother you know (no matter how old her child is) and to those who aren't mothers but who have a mother to love and cherish